Star Fleet meets the Covenant
by 1-1 Marines
Summary: Star Fleet is assigned to help the UNSC fight off the Covenant. Based off of Robot Chicken's, "G.I. No."


**ME: A/N: Based off of Robot Chicken's, "G.I. No."**

"Alright, _Enterprise_!" Captain James Kirk announced from the bridge. "We've been given a new mission!"

"Escort a diplomat to peace talks with the Klingon Empire?" Lieutenant Hikara Sulu, the helmsman, asked his Captain.

"No," Kirk said. "We're to aid a group of humans known as the UNSC in another universe. Please note that they're incredibly primitive and inept compared to us, which is why they're being annihilated by a genocidial alliance known as the Covenant."

"With all due respect, Captain," the First Officer of the Enterprise, Commander Spock, replied, "logic would dictate that if this UNSC was as incompetent as they are rumored to be, there would be no UNSC left. Bear in mind they've last for over twenty-five years of constant warfare, indicating high tenacity given the Covenant's superior technology."

"Please, Spock! From what I've heard, they make their women wear pants!"

*cut to UNSC Security Council Situation Room, HIGHCOM Facility Bravo-6, Sydney, New South Wales, Commonwealth of Australia, Earth*

"I was concerned about your, um, subordinates aiding our defense, Kirk," Fleet Admiral Lord Terrence Hood began. "That is, until I heard about your experience with ruthless, genocidal regimes similar to the Covenant."

"You can count on us, sir," the Captain replied. "Now, can we please discuss why your UNSC does not allow for the wearing of miniskirts in combat?"

Hood quickly glanced at Master Chief Petty Officer John-117. Their body language said it all; _what_ _a womanizing jackass._

"You troops only have sidearms?" Colonel Urban Holland of the UNSC Army asked incredulously.

"They work just fine, and won't kill anyone if we set to stun!" Replied Lieutenant Carol Marcus, the science officer of the _Enterprise_. She grabbed an MA5C. "Hey, this phaser rifle is loaded with bullets!" She snorted. "You people are amateurs."

"Doctor Marcus, be nice to our inferiors," Lieutenant Commander Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, chief engineer of the Enterprise, chided.

Admiral Margaret Orlenda Parangosky, Commander-in-Chief of the Office of Naval Intelligence, ignored them and indicated East Africa to the northwest on the holotank. "The Covenant seem to be massing in this part of Africa, specifically Tanzania and Kenya."

"Pardon me, ma'am," Kirk interjected, "but shouldn't we be more concerned about the Covenant's weather control system? It's pouring outside!"

Everyone stared at him. "We're on the Pacific Ocean," John said through clenched teeth.

"Noble Actual, this is Noble One," Commander Carter A-259 said via radio. "Sir, the Covenant is deploying additional troops to New Mombasa. Please advise, over."

"Alright," Hood replied, "time for a-."

"Diplomatic session?" Kirk interrupted.

The older man glared. "Actually, a counter-attack. Did you miss the briefing?"

"Oh, right. My bad, sir."

*cut to Star Fleet shuttle*

"With all due respect, Captain," Spock began, "this plan is highly illogical. Given our lack of phaser rifles, it would be wiser to simply teleport an antimatter torpedo inside a Covenant ship or, failing that, aid the UNSC Navy with the _Enterprise_."

"Spock, you know how these primitives get angry when we show off," Kirk replied. "I even rejected beaming down so we could-."

Suddenly another shuttle exploded.

"OH MY GOD, WE'RE BEING SHOT AT!" He screamed. "LAND, LAND!"

Lieutenant Nyota Uhara, the communications officer and pilot of the shuttle, protested. "Sir, we'd be landing in a hot LZ. AKA one with a firefight going on."

"I DON'T CARE, LAND NOW!"

The shuttle landed, and all the passengers and crew exited.

Doctor Marcus, thinking quickly, set her phaser to stun and shot an Elite twice. It failed, namely due to shields and the power of stun shots.

The Elite glanced at her, laughed, and fired a burst from his plasma rifle.

Marcus screamed in pain before dropping to the street dead. Her uniform was ruined, her chest wounds bloodless due to cauterization.

"HOLY SHIT!" Doctor Leonard "Bones" McCoy shouted. He raised his hands in the air. "WE SURRENDER, WE SURRENDER!"

A burst from a Spiker ended his life and answered his question.

"Spock, where are the red shirts?"

"Um..."

A block away, all but one of the red shirts was either being stomped on by Grunts or dead.

"OW! OW!" One complained.

"GET SOME, BITCH!" Said a Grunt.

One red shirt was able to fend off the Grunts with a crowbar before being shot in the head. "I don't believe it!" said his killer. "I actually killed something!"

"Captain, look out!" Scotty yelled before shoving Kirk.

The engineer was then stabbed in the chest by an Elite's energy sword who had just decloaked. Sulu engaged with his own sword but was promptly eliminated by an actual fighter.

"This is illogical!" Spock shouted before grabbing Uhara and running. "Retreat!"

"But who will fight the Klingons?" Kirk asked before being decapitated.

*cut to Great Hall, First City, Qo'nos*

"Ha, ha, ha! Look at those fools!" The Chancellor of the Klingon High Council said. " I knew Star Fleet couldn't handle the rigors of actual combat!"

Suddenly there was the sound of gunfire and explosions. "What the fuck was that?" A Councilor asked.

"FRAG OUT!"

Five fragmentation grenades landed amongst the twenty four Councilors and detonated. Six survived, along with the Chancellor and his guards plus the heads of the Klingon Defense Force and Klingon Intelligence.

As the Councilors got up, a few flashbangs landed in the room and detonated.

"NOW! GO, GO, GO!"

The five SPARTAN-IVs of Fireteam Majestic entered the room and soon killed all but the Chancellor and his guards.

"DIE FOR YOUR EMPIRE, COWARDS!" He yelled while shoving the pair in front of him hypocritically. To their credit, they were able to shoot a SPARTAN each but their shields held and returned fire, which ended the two guards lives.

The Chancellor stood to his full height and growled, "You win this time, Fireteam Majestic. But next time-."

The team's leader, Lieutenant Paul DeMarco, simply put a burst of battle rifle fire through the Chancellor's head. Due to them being 9.5x40mm HEIAP rounds, all three were each more powerful than a conventional .50 caliber bullet.

"Good job, everybody."

**ME: A/N: This is what happens when Star Fleet goes outside Star Trek. Or when Klignons assume they'll be taken prisoner without surrendering first.**


End file.
